Enjoy! I think it’s wonderful. Taken from the Sunday Times Magazine (19th April 2009)

DFTBA! :]

In fact, I was awake until 8AM.

I slept from then until 11:30AM when I had to get up because Luan and my grandpa were coming round for an Easter lunch (of the best roast lamb I’ve ever had – organic is the way to go). I was planning to go to bed really early, but it’s quarter past 11 and I’m still up. Actually, this is still early for me. What has surprised me is that I’m not much more tired than I would be normally at this time. I can’t decide whether that is good or bad.

Happy Easter everyone, I hope you’re not feeling too sick from chocolate.

But last night was just surreal. All the guys I spoke to were really nice, especially this guy called James. So yeah, that was nice.

Today I felt kind of icky but I went out for a short walk around where I live to get some fresh air. The weather hasn’t been very pleasant today, just all damp and mild, but it made the woods smell deliciously woody and earthy. I love that smell, it’s just so natural and I love how it feels like it’s enveloping you.

Oh the way back I heard this music echoing from somewhere down the hillside, so I went down to find out what it was. There was a guy standing underneath an arch of a terraced bridge thing, with a mic and an acoustic guitar. My mum and I stopped and listened to him sing for a while. It was just so beautiful. This is a tweet from when I was there:

And his songs are so beautiful. I am on the edge of tears. It’s dark and the sound is resonating around the terrace. My heart is all tegtatw (about 3 hours ago )
It was so dark in the park that I couldn’t see who he was or if he was a rough sleeper. I know the arches do get a rough sleeper, but I couldn’t see if he had all his stuff in there. There was a couple who was hanging around and listening to him play as well, and after he finished they went and spoke to him, but I couldn’t hear what they said to him.

As I was listening to the music, it genuinely felt like it was making a mark on me. If he has an album, I want it. It was amazing. It was just so surreal though. I’m going to go and leave a note in the arch tomorrow in case he goes back there. I felt bad listening and not saying anything to him at the end, but I was too shy and it was a bit scary because it was so dark.

I sort of get the feeling that I’ll never ever come across him again, though. It will just be one of those things that happen, that affect you in a way you can’t really work out, and that will sort of stay with you, even though it was completely by chance, completely anonymous, completely bizarre.

What made the occasion even more nice is that some people at the bottom of the hill in front of the arches were sitting under a magnolia tree, petals making a blanket on the ground beneath it, a couple of tea lights on the ground and a few tiny paper lanterns hanging from some branches. It was so beautiful and romantic, combined with the music.

Yeah, anyway. Enough of that. I should be going to bed. Goodnight!

Plus I am a big skiver of life.

I am not going to write a big blog entry now. There’s a lot of stuff I want to get off my chest, but that’s going to be on my more personal blog anyway and it’s half past two and I need to go to bed.

I am so stressed at the minute.

It feels really weird being up this late, my mum and my sister in bed, me trying to be quiet, turning videos and music down really low and having the TV on behind me with no-one watching it (sorry, environment). It feels a bit like when I was ill and was nocturnal, so I’d stay up late talking to people on MSN (generally Pete, Tomo and Chris), trying not to get found out by my mum, and sneaking to bed in the wee hours after brushing my teeth with the bathroom door pushed almost closed.

I really miss talking to those people, actually.

Apparently drawing bicycles is my speciality.

Goodnight, see you tomorrow.

I didn’t have tea, didn’t get ballet stuff, didn’t go charity shop browsing. I woke up at two in the afternoon then got up and got dressed in my new summer dress. It has been worn and washed once, yet the belt that came with it has broken already. It’s so annoying, and now I’ll have to take it back, because the belt is faulty.  So I had to take the whole thing off and put on something else, by which point I really didn’t fancy going into town or seeing people.

So instead I went for a walk in the park with my mum. I found out that my calves are actually not as fat as I thought they were and that they’re quite a nice shape when I look at them side-on. So thankyou, shop windows, for helping me feel a little tiny bit better today. It was funny going out with no tights on though. I pretty much always wear black tights, if I’m not wearing skinny jeans (which I’m generally not, I’m much more of a dresses girl). So I went out with bare legs and my skin is so pale it’s practically blue. Personally, I would much prefer to have very, very pale skin than to be all tan-tastic and orange. I do get really quite self-conscious about my legs sometimes though. I’ve got thread veins and they make my legs look a bit bruised sometimes. There’s nothing I could do about them, I just got them when I got ill. My circulation was affected quite badly, and I still get really cold hands and feet, with my feet going blue on a regular basis if I’m not constantly covered in socks or blankets or something. So that, along with some patchy pigmentation on one of my calves, and with my chubby knees which always have looked a slightly strange colour, I don’t get them out very often at all. But today I did and it was alright, if a little bit chilly.

Tomorrow I want to go bike riding, so it had better be a nice day.

I had a really healthy dinner last night, and lunch this afternoon so this evening my mum went and got fish and chips (which we have maybe three times a year at the most). They were nice, but so ridiculously greasy. I can’t believe that there are people out there that eat them once a week or more, maybe washed down with a can of coke or whatever. As soon as I ate them I felt like a big ball of lard, and as my twitter said: ‘I very, VERY rarely care about calories. But I REALLY do not want to know how many I consumed in the last 20 minutes.’
Bleurgh. I’ve been drinking lots of water to try and flush all the grease out.

But now, I am going to watch a programme about the NHS and young people taking advantage of the system. Which I would not ever do. I will never get drunk, I will never smoke, I will never take illegal drugs. I will never make myself obese. I will never purposely get into a fist fight. It makes me ashamed of people my age, when they do things like that.

Not that older people don’t do it either.

But still.

Hm.
Goodnight.

Another thing I completely forgot about was my DFTBA Book Club video. Uh-oh. I don’t know how I keep doing this. Last week was such a feeble attempt at a video as well, I should have been pulling out all the stops this week. The truth is that as soon as I know it’s the holidays, that’s it. All sense of time and days fly out of the window and across the hills. Monday? Really? And nearly two o’clock? Now? Are you sure?

So that’s that.

I am ashamed to admit that in my first BEDA post I told you that the fantastic book’s name was something that it wasn’t. I’ve changed it now, of course, but I’d feel like I was hiding something, had I not ‘fessed up. I got it right, except for adding ‘walking’ at the beginning of the title. I noticed when I went to bed, by which time I was adamant I was not going to amend it.

Nothing has really happened since I last blogged. My boyfriend stayed round and I’ve had two extremely lazy days. No make-up, wearing PJs and playing video games. It’s so unlike me. And today I had a BATH which is practically unheard of. I am a shower girl through and through.

In the end we didn’t go to tea with family friends, and I didn’t get to go to Wagamama. Instead I ate roast beef and yorkshire puddings & roast potatoes (my absolute favourite) and Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food and just slobbed out. I hate that phrase, but that’s exactly what I did, so I’d better face up to it.

I don’t know what I’ll do tomorrow either. I’ve got a ‘to-do’ list as long as my right leg, so I should probably start making my way through that, and I’d quite like to go and get some supplies for when I go back to dancing after the holidays. I urgently need some ballet tights and a new leotard. It is a ballet class, after all. If I wore what I own at the minute, it would look like I was turning up to a pole dancing class, which (of course) I would never be seen dead at.

I’m more of a burlesque girl.

But the place where the dance shop is also has some pretty fantastic cheap charity shops. There’s one that looks all dingy and has a sticky floor, but has a wonderful book corner where I found some books from the early 20th century for a very small amount of money. The original owners had written at the front things like: ‘To Mavis from Ethel, 1921.’ It was fabulous. I love places like that. Where I live all the charity shops are extortionate, trying to sell Primark clothes with the labels cut out for pretty much the same price as they were sold for originally. The thing is that these shops must be given lots of quality things, and old vintage-y things, but they don’t put them out because they don’t consider them to be ‘fashionable’. Well ya know what, charity shop people, I’d much rather have a nice floral number circa 1979 which I can adapt than a cheapo polyester gypsy skirt circa 1998 which would be good only as a bin liner…

This holiday I REALLY want to have an afternoon tea. I bought a cream ceramic three-tier cake stand a while back which I haven’t used yet (it’s sitting in its box on top of a drum at the end of my bed), and I really want to christen it soon with some crust-free sandwiches, scones and some little cake-y things. Maybe I’ll get a chance to use it very soon. I am trying to find reasons. Not that you need an excuse to have an afternoon tea, it should be law.

But now, I am really tired and I want to go to bed. Goodnight all, see ye tomorrow. Probably. Hopefully.

Today my dad came round. It was his birthday on Thursday, but with my sister at dance all evening and me being very tired, I suggested doing something today instead. When I say ‘suggested’, I mean ‘told’.

So he came round, 50 minutes later than agreed which annoyed me. I’d woken up and baked a cake and tidied the room. He is always trying to tell us when he WILL come round at highly inconvenient times which we don’t agree to,  yet when invited, he can’t even be bothered to get here on time? So he gets here and starts fiddling around with a computer he refurbished for us a few weeks back which annoys me more because there’s a reason I hadn’t plugged it in yet. I hadn’t transferred my files, updated things, unauthorised it for my iTunes (I keep forgetting to do that so there are three computers that I don’t have anymore that are authorised to play my things, using up my allowance. Boo.) But he unplugs the current computer, cables strewn across the room, and sets up the new computer. Except it has no useful files on, and when he goes home I download Spotify only to find that the bloody sound card isn’t working. Eurgh. If you’ve read my personal blogs you’ll know it’s not the first time that he’s given us a computer that is only semi-functional. The other thing about this ‘new’ computer is that it has a version of Microsoft Office from WINDOWS ’95. Not very helpful for any college work I have to transfer from the lovely state-of-the-art computers at college.

But the cake was lovely and there were no arguments, so that was better than usual.

So I plug the old computer back in so I can write this blog and, you know, have sound (which will be particularly helpful when I have to do my DFTBA Book Club video tomorrow/Monday and have to watch all the videos from the previous week from the other girls). And then I get a big fat trojan threat and blah and blah, then the webcam isn’t working properly and I am just a bit sick of technology.  I don’t want to get angry at it though, I don’t want it to just be like, “OKAY, FINE. YOU HATE ME? I’ll BREAK COMPLETELY AND YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO DO BEDA OR DFTBA BOOK CLUB OR ANYTHING”, and I really don’t want it to do that.

Charlie’s ramen eating has made me so hungry for ramen it’s unbelievable. I was going to make it from scratch today, except I couldn’t really be bothered. It takes so long when you’re not in the mood. I was thinking of going to Wagamama tomorrow but then I remembered I’m supposed to be going to tea with my mum and some family friends who live just down the road. It will be really nice, and I am looking forward to it, it’s just that it doesn’t involve ramen.

Today my boyfriend was given a car. It’s funny. He can’t even drive-he’s never had a lesson, and has no money to do so. He also has no money to insure/tax/fill the vehicle either. But he now owns a car which is pretty cool. I’m actually quite anti-driving at this age. The public transport is sufficient, except for late-night things when it pretty much entirely stops, except those late-night things usually involve drinking which should definitely not be mixed with car use anyway. I don’t want to drive because I don’t have any money to do so, because the upkeep of a car is hassle that I could do without, because public transport is fine, because it would make me feel guilty about all the bad stuff coming out of the exhaust and all the rest. If I had to drive I’d get a reasonably environmentally-friendly car. But I don’t go very far-it’d only be worth it if I was going a fair distance, like to the seaside, except I’d probably have to charge it up or something halfway there anyway, so I’d rather go on the train. I love trains anyway. Otherwise I can just cycle in the local area (if buses/trains won’t do the job). Practically everyone my age is having lessons or have passed their test or have their own cars. It actually scares me – the enormous amount of people even this year being released into the world to ruin it even further with their cars. And it’s just going to keep happening every year. Just because you’re of the legal age to get your licence doesn’t mean you HAVE to start driving, ya know. I don’t think I’ll even begin to learn until after university, but even then I’m sure there’ll be other things that money will need to go on. Like paying back all the debt caused by going to university, probably.

Anyway, that’s enough for today. The point is that I managed another day of BEDA. Yay for me.

If you go here, you’ll find hundreds of links to other people taking part in BEDA: http://www.blogeverydayapril.blogspot.com/

I only found out what BEDA actually stood for late on the 1st April, and didn’t actually fully understand until yesterday, so I’m starting today. I think it’s a nice way to christen this blog as well.

So, to begin! Now I’ve got here, I don’t actually know what to say. Today was the last day of the Spring term, so I’ve got two weeks of holiday which I am so relieved about. For people who don’t know me, or who haven’t read my other blog, I was having lots of problems with anxiety and panic, resulting in ridiculously poor attendance at college. After being given an ultimatum, I showed them and proved to myself what I could do, and managed, with my stubbornness and perserverence (and, according to my old psychologist, Sarah- bravery), to go in for every lesson for two weeks, and then for another week after that. Then was half term for a week, and now it’s Easter, meaning I’ve done a whole half term! It’s just astounding to see how far I’ve come – I wasn’t in school at all for Year 10 or Year 11, or for last year where I couldn’t do anything either. This year has just been such a breakthrough, and I am so proud. It’s still a struggle, and it’s taking constant practise, but it is getting easier. But what I meant to get to is that I really need this rest. It will be work as well as play, however, as I’ve got revision and catch up work to do in preparation for exams.

I am Monday in a Youtube book club, the DFTBA Book Club (link in the sidebar) and we read Suite Scarlett (by MJ) for our first book. It’s now been three months on it, due to my poor organisation. I keep promising to have videos and reading done by a certain time, but I just completely overestimated my ability to manage time. I also didn’t realise that managing my anxiety and college would be a 24 hour thing. But it is, and it’s getting easier to handle doing that plus videos. But I do think it may be another week before I can get the Suite Scarlett review video up. Our next book is Breakfast At Tiffany’s which I’m pretty excited about. Hopefully I’ll be able to get up to date on all the book club things over the holidays. :]

This is such a babbly post, but I’ve not written a blog in a very long time, and so much has happened since!

Yesterday was just lovely. I bought a book one or two weeks ago called ‘Backwards in High Heels: The Impossible Art of Being Female’. I saw it on Amazon.co.uk and knew instantly that I would love it. So I ordered it (I can hardly ever turn down a promising-looking book) and received it and as soon as I opened it, I knew I had to get another copy. Literally five minutes after the book had arrived at my house, I’d ordered a copy for Rosianna (friend I’ve known since we were babies/my mum grew up in the house she lives in now/well known Youtuber (missxrojas)/possibly the hardest worker I’ve ever met/all-round lovely girl). I delivered it anonymously after college yesterday (the best feeling ever!). It was just so nice knowing that she’d find it and it’d be a total surprise. I didn’t write who it was from as it wasn’t about that - it was just about trying to make someone’s day a little brighter. She hasn’t been having the best time recently (at all), and I know that one tiny thing can just help turn around your day, so that was that. I think she liked it, but even if she hadn’t, it wouldn’t have mattered. I definitely want to do more things like that for people now. I highly recommend the book for other people too, and it’s great for just dipping in and out of.

So yesterday was brilliant for that reason. It was also good because nothing went wrong (except I did go to a lesson that I’d forgotten was cancelled as a reward for doing an exam the previous day). Whoops. Today wasn’t so good because I woke up feeling ill and I missed my last lesson, but I bought some cool things in some charity shops and saw my boyfriend. And had a debate about whether David Beckham or Jonny Wilkinson would be made out of more chocolate, if they were replicated in chocolate. It doesn’t really matter because rugby will win over football any day, no matter how much chocolate is involved.

Oh wow, it’s quite late. I’d better be going. I didn’t mean to write this much!

See you tomorrow (if I remember)!

Obviously you replace the bracketed bits with the real thing.